Tuesday, March 20, 2012

A shameful story and some thoughts mixed in.

Brene Brown has a new Ted talk and I have linked to it on the right.  Now she has two.  They are both pretty great.  I think you should listen to it but listen to the first one first if you haven't listened to either yet.  She is pretty great.  There is also a link to her blog Ordinary Courage.

She inspired me to share the following story and I am sharing this just to get it off my chest.  I am sending my apologies out into the universe and praying to be better.

These past couple weeks I have had some things happen where I learned some life lessons.  This story is about a lesson I have learned time and time again but for some reason the lesson hasn't sunk in yet.  Clearly I needed to learn this lesson again.

I was at one of my first business meetings with my friend.  I felt very out of place.  Everyone was dressed very business like and I was pretty casual so I started out immediately defensive though I didn't really realize that at the time.  I started looking around the room to pick out anyone else that might be dressed casual as well as judge the people around me.  Things went through my mind like "I am way cooler than these people." and "My clothes are so much more comfortable I bet people are jealous of me not being all dressed up."  My friend then introduced me to one of her colleagues who was a woman probably my same age or maybe a little younger.  After the introduction she proceeded to tell me how successful this woman was and how she has helped a lot of other people be successful.  I took another look at her and in my head was like, "Really?  This girl sitting a few chairs down from me?"  I proceed to pick apart her appearance in my mind.  I am not going to go into details.  She was also really quiet and hardly said two words to me which I chose to interpret as snobby.

After the meeting we all parted ways and I talked to my friend later about the meeting.  She continued to talk about how this other woman could really help me get my business going and I shamefully told her my interpretation of her.  She listened patiently and said something like she understood and we moved on from there to other topics.

Well a week and a half later I actually met this woman and spent some time with her and as you can guess she is pretty great.  I learned she is extremely shy and being apart of this business has really helped her blossom and be brave.  She is funny and personable and witty and I thoroughly enjoyed her company.  And then the guilt and shame came and I realized I am an idiot!  I can't believe my judgements and I can't believe I shared them with another person!  I of course had a conversation with my friend and apologized profusely for my words but seriously I am embarrassed!  I don't consider myself a catty girl but obviously I have some things to work on.

One good thing is that I will never forget this lesson.  I was really off the mark.  Sometimes I get cocky and feel like I have a good read on people.  But really, I don't.  I'm sure 9 times out of 10 I am wrong about people, especially first impressions.  The really funny thing about all of this is that I give bad first impressions, or so I've heard.  I don't want people judging me off a first impression!

So, lesson learned.  AGAIN!  I think this time I am going to make it stick.

Writing this story out made me think of The Four Agreements.
Have you ever heard of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz?
It is a quick read or quick listen although the audio was a little odd to listen to for me.

Anyways the four agreements you are supposed to make with yourself are:
1:  Be impeccable with your word - Speak with integrity, speak only what you mean, don't gossip or speak untruths, etc.
2:  Don't take anything personally - Nothing others do is because of you, what others say and do is a projection of their own reality.  (this is really, really hard)
3:  Don't make assumptions - ask questions, express what you really want, communicate clearly.
4:  Always do your best - your best will change moment to moment, it will change if you are sick or if you are healthy, simply do your best in every moment.

So I pretty much broke every agreement in just this one story alone.  And I pretty much break every agreement everyday but if I simply do my best then I think the other things will follow.

This experience helped me remember I have much to improve on.  

I am very happy to improve.

The end.

I love both my girls expressions in this picture.
Scarlett looks freaked out or something.
Just wanted to end the post on a happy note.

1 comment:

Shayla said...

Love this...I have much room for improvement! Reminds me of this..

"Oh, the comfort --
The inexpressible comfort of feeling
safe with a person,
Having neither to weigh thoughts,
Nor measure words -- but pouring them
All right out -- just as they are --
Chaff and grain together --
Certain that a faithful hand will
Take and sift them --
Keep what is worth keeping --
and with the breath of kindness
Blow the rest away."

Thank you for sharing!

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