Monday, March 12, 2012

Thoughts on therapy.

What I have learned by going  to therapy is that it can be really scary.  It also can't work unless you can be completely honest about yourself and open to what the therapist is saying.  (This is assuming you like and trust your therapist of course.)  Being open and honest makes you extremely vulnerable.  Your therapist is going to tell you hard things like how long the problems in your life have been happening and when you could have helped yourself.  Say years and years ago I probably should have been seeing a therapist.  It sucks to hear that.  It sucks to hear that your problems are very old and go way, way back and that they will be hard to get over and fix.

For me I think that the little girl Tammy is still alive inside me and needs to heal by expressing her view point.  I know it is so Freudian but seriously so much of my issues go back to my childhood and young adulthood.  I think I have been avoiding it for a while.  I like to think that I was resilient and just went with whatever was happening but now as an adult looking back at my life I can see that my brain had to do a lot of self protecting and so I pushed things away until I was old enough and ready to deal with them.  I don't know if I am exactly ready to deal with all of that old stuff but I know it will help me heal and move on.  Dealing with that old stuff will help me be able to embrace myself now.  Acceptance of your personal history is important.  I can't change it, I don't have to like it but I can accept it and let old feelings go.

Much easier written than done I'm sure.

That doesn't mean that I am implying I get to blame my parents or childhood for all of my problems now but when you are talking about your problems everything comes up and you start seeing how different things played a part and how things shaped your way of thinking and doing things.  It is interesting, scary, angering, etc.

(Eva on her first day of school.  Bad camera phone pic, sorry)

One day my sweet girl is going to come to me and tell me how I screwed up her life.  It makes me sad to think of that day.

1 comment:

Ms. Hobbs said...

Good job for being so open to healing. :)

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