This morning was the typical run around morning. Eva has been sleeping late and I try to let her sleep as long as possible because she probably needs it. Letting her sleep means as soon as she gets up she gets dressed, eats breakfast, brushes hair and teeth and off we go. Not a lot of time to spend snuggling and playing in the morning.
So today was that kind of morning. Running around and getting out the door. Eva is a good girl and just goes with it until we get to our destination and then she doesn't want me to leave her. And she begs me to hold her and stay. Then to avoid tears from the both of us I must hurry faster to leave her because the longer I stay the harder it is. So I hug her and tell her I will hurry really fast at work and pick her up soon and then I leave. Today there were no tears from her or whining. She accepted that I had to go but she was just sad about it. She stood at the window with both her hands up against it and watched me go. I smiled and waved at her to try to make things easier for her but as soon as she was out of sight I teared up and cried my way to work.
It is not easy for me to leave my kids with other people so I can work. Even if I absolutely love and trust the people that they are with. I want to be the one to spend all that time with my kids. It is over 30 hours a week that I am missing! Hence my goal and the business I am trying to build. I do have hope for my future but the waiting for it is hard. I want it now! I want the goose that lays the golden eggs now!