Friday, June 22, 2012

Bad picture Friday.

So I had an idea after going through my phone and deleting about 50 bad pictures of myself.  Maybe I should post some of them because they are pretty funny.  Let's all be honest, when we try to take a good picture of ourselves with our camera phone you get one good one for about every 15 taken.  Maybe.  (Michelle, I'm pretty sure you are the only exception to this rule.  If you know her you know.)

So I will see how long I can keep this up but for bad picture Friday I am going to post all the really, really bad shots of myself and maybe others that I have taken through the week.  Let's get real people.

Simple rules, absolutely not cropping or editing in any way.  Sometimes I preselect a style though, anyone like retro camera like me?

Join me in bad picture Friday.  Post them on your blog and let me know and I will link to it.  Or maybe I will figure out a way to do that link thing to other blogs at the bottom of my Friday posts.  Let me know if you know how to do that.

And on with the bad pics.







Thursday, June 21, 2012

40.5 Week update

So apparently I was due Monday due to leap year.
The update is I am still pregnant.
The concern is an old placenta is not that great.
I am going to have a stress test tomorrow to just make sure everything is OK and then have a doctor's appointment on Monday to figure out if we want to wait or induce.  I don't want to induce but I don't want a huge baby and I don't want an old placenta.
I am feeling good and luckily did not gain any weight this week so maybe that means the baby is a perfect 7 lbs (ya right).  I am hoping for 8 at the maximum.
The stomach muscle burning has subsided a bit so I don't have too much to complain about.
Yesterday I was hugely depressed and could tell it was more of a chemical thing and hoped that meant labor was going to start.  Nope.

There you go.

And everyone was wrong on your guesses for when I would deliver so lucky you you get to guess again.  Leave it in the comments or text or email me so you can win the pound of See's chocolates.  Remember to put down the date and time you think I will deliver.

Love.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

How my hair almost strangled Scarlett.

I'm not kidding.
It was a weird, fluky thing that happened a few weeks ago.
I was sleeping with my girls in bed and it was about 5 am.  Scarlett uses those binkys that they give at the hospital that are green and all one rubber piece.  If you have used those binkys you know that if they get stuck in your hair they are really sticky and hard to get out.  Somehow my hair got wrapped around Scarlett's neck and her binky got wrapped up in it all and held my hair in place.

I woke up to Scarlett screaming in terror.  That scream/cry is the worst and I have only heard it that one time from her.  It was good she was screaming though because that meant she was breathing and had plenty of breathing room.  I quickly figured out what was going on but I didn't know the binky was involved and I couldn't figure out why I couldn't get my hair unstuck.  She was trying to move away so with one hand I had to try to keep her against my head so she wouldn't strangle herself and with the other I had to try to figure out how to get her unstuck.  I could only fit one finger between her neck and my hair and I was starting to get scared.

The really good thing is that I happened to be sleeping at Clint's house in the girl's bed so I hollered for Clint and he came in and tried to get it untangled but couldn't so I ended up just telling him to cut it so he did.  That was tough because Scarlett was just screaming and thrashing around.  I don't know how I would have done that alone.  I don't know how I would have picked her up and held her with one arm and try to cut my hair with another.  She was so wiggly and stuck almost to the top of my head.  I'm just glad I wasn't alone and that my hair didn't slowly strangle her through the night.  Holy cow I just keep thinking of how if it had been any tighter and then she had turned or something she could have just slowly died and I would have just been asleep next to her.

This all happened in a span of about 3 or 4 minutes but seemed longer.  After it was over I just snuggled her and it took her about an hour to calm down and then she kept jolting awake and crying.  It was so sad.  She had a little red mark around her neck but after she got a little more sleep she woke up happy and fine.

Here are some gorgeous pictures of Scarlett sleeping.  





Here is the piece of hair I had to cut.  It was able to be blended pretty well into my hair.


And yes I sleep with my hair up now, well at least until Eva is asleep and then I put it up.  She can't sleep if my hair is in a pony tail.


Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Emotions, prayer, pregnancy.

I was emotional yesterday.  I think I cried three times, all in the car.  I pray a lot while in the car.  I have found it is the only quiet time I have and for some reason I remember to pray right when I get in.  Anyways, one time I was praying and started getting really mad and yelled.  The next time was the apology prayer.  The next time was the thankful prayer.  Ya, I'm 40 weeks pregnant did I mention that?

So really I think this baby is going to burst right out of my abdomen.  It is on fire.

I was all excited last night because I was having more contractions than normal even though they weren't painful I thought maybe something was starting.  It wasn't.  I feel really good today, nothing is happening.  Tomorrow I see my doctor.  I'm pretty sure it will be another week.

Monday, June 18, 2012

40 Weeks Pregnant

I am 40 weeks pregnant.  I have never been this pregnant.  My abdominal muscles do not like it at all and they burn with all the stretching.  I have no stretch marks on my skin but I often look to see if I can watch them happen.  I guess on the inside of my body there are lots and lots of stretch marks.  I wonder if my muscles will ever be normal again.  It hurts pretty bad and I can't even laugh without feeling pain.

I think the worst part of being 40 weeks pregnant are all the comments from people.  People are amazed I am working or that I showed up although I would have let them know if I had my baby and I wasn't going to show.  People have to let me know how uncomfortable I look while they are sitting so comfortably in their chairs giggling at me.  People automatically assume I will just be induced tomorrow since it is my due date.

Yes, I am 40 weeks pregnant.
Yes, I look really big.
Yes, the baby has dropped.
Yes, I am actually really uncomfortable.

No, I am not going to be induced just because I am a little overdue.  I actually believe that my body knows what is going on and that it knows what to do in this whole situation.  I don't think I need to interfere with the natural process yet.  I think 42 weeks will be my limit but we will see.

The end.

And Scarlett loves to play with my outy belly button.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

For you Harry Potter fans.

Do you like Harry Potter?


Well then check out this blog post by Brene Brown.


She is a fan too.


Yup, this is another post linking you to Brene Brown.


Enjoy.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

39 Weeks with a serious pregnancy glow.



That has to be pregnancy glow, I am really not that oily.

Anyways, I am 39 weeks pregnant.  This is the furthest along I have ever been.
It doesn't feel like anything is happening or going to happen soon.  This kid is just chillin' upside down and must really be enjoying himself.  I keep thinking he can't be that comfortable but he must be.  I can't really bend over he has dropped so low and I always wonder if his head is just being squished.  Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment to let me know again, I'm sure, how nothing is really going on down there.  But I guess that's fine.  My doctor has another week of vacation and this weekend is our town days which I would love to go to with Eva and Scarlett.

All I have been craving lately is ice cold drinks with ice to suck on after.  Preferably Sonic during happy hour because I love Sonic ice.
I am still working everyday and I feel pretty good actually.

All is well.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

38 week update and contest.

I am 38 weeks.  I have never been past 38.5 weeks but I think I will this time.
I am only dilated to 1 cm.
Last time when I started dilating on my own it took 2.5 weeks to have Scarlett.  So I might have a while.
My doctor went out of town yesterday and will be gone until the 18th.  My due date is the 19th.
I would like my doctor there and I am feeling pretty good so if I can stay feeling good I wouldn't mind if I had 2 more weeks to hold this baby in.  Most likely I will give birth the day before my doctor comes home.
He has assured me that he has spoken with his backups and told them my birth plan and all of that but I know doctors and they hate people like me who don't want to be on their agenda so I am a bit nervous about using a new doctor.  So my preference would to just give birth when my doctor is home.

My feet are starting to swell, I have that horrible side ache that becomes unbearable if I sit down for too long and my pelvis is so soft walking can be hard but seriously I am feeling good.

So onto the contest.


Try to guess when I am going to have this baby of mine and if you are right you will win a pound of my favorite See's chocolate which I will hand select and send to you.  Keep in mind I like milk chocolate and really sweet, wonderful chocolate so maybe you won't want to enter but really you do because it is so good. Who doesn't want a butterscotch square, a milk bordeaux, truffles, scotch kisses, molasses chip, and on and on?

So leave a comment and pick a day and time you think I will have my baby (say am or pm).  If you don't want to leave a comment you can text or email me.

Here is some past history that might help you.

With Eva I was induced so I can only go off of one pregnancy.

So with Scarlett:
At 36 weeks I was 1.5 cm dilated and gave birth at 38.5 weeks.
My total labor from start (mild contractions) to finish (the long horrible 8 minute contraction) was just under 24 hours.
My really active (horrible, painful, labor land) labor lasted about 2 hours and the active pushing lasted about 15 minutes.

Obviously Scarlett is a girl and everyone tells me boys cook longer.

There you are.

Good luck.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Eva's prayers.

Eva says the best prayers.  They are so thoughtful and sweet.

Here are a couple:

(we were at Clint's eating breakfast)
"Heavenly Father, thank you for this day, thank you for Mommy and Sugar (dog) coming, you are welcome at Daddy's anytime.  Amen"

(the same day at dinner time)
"Heavenly Father, thank you for this day, thank you for having fun, you can go home anytime.  Amen"

Depending on each day she says different things.  On Sunday she is thankful for church and her teachers on school days she is thankful for school and having fun.

I love hearing what she has to say in her prayers because she really thinks about what is going on and what she wants to say.


Monday, June 4, 2012

My vulnerability/My seemed safety net.

Good luck.

Since reading Brene Brown's books and following her blog I have learned a lot about vulnerability and how important it is.  I have been able to recognize my vulnerabilities and how to deal with them.  She helps you recognize the signs your body makes when you are feeling vulnerable or shame and how to react in more of a positive way for yourself and for those who are around you.

The thing in my life that has taught me most about vulnerability is divorce.  Being a single parent of, soon to be, 3 kids has made me feel very vulnerable.  I am actually surprised by how vulnerable I feel.  Even though Clint and I are working well together and parenting our kids and helping each other that "safety net" of marriage that I never knew existed until now has been pulled away and I literally feel like I am walking a tight rope without a net beneath me.  The fear at times can be overwhelming so I really can not think about it for too long or I will go crazy.

Since separating and getting a divorce I have had lots of people confide in me about their own marriage difficulties and beliefs.  I have had quite a few people tell me they don't think monogamy is a natural human capability.  And I am not talking about sexually although I realize that can make quite a debate.  There are a lot of people that believe that getting married and spending your life with one person is not possible and since we grow and change so much in our lifetimes our preference in our partner will change too.  I understand the argument and tried to justify it for myself for a while to make myself feel better.  Now that all is said and done and I am on the other side of marriage I have a much better understanding of marriage and how it works and why it was invented.

Maybe humans, with their animal nature, were not built to be monogamous sexually or intimately but maybe that's what makes monogamy great and rewarding.  I think there are lots of valid points on both sides of the "is monogamy human nature" debate.  My own opinion is that it is natural for us to want to find someone to share ourselves wholly with and have babies with and eat lots of chocolate with   It is up to us if we want to share ourselves wholly and I think that if we don't it can be a big problem in our marriage.  I also think that not eating enough chocolate can be a big problem too but the weight gain might be more of a problem so the debate continues!  And on we go...

I have found, and I know this is quoted a lot, that nothing worth anything is really easy.  If something is easy for us we are not invested and we get bored.  We naturally like to be challenged and marriage and monogamy is definitely a challenge.

I do think that marriage can make monogamy harder though.  Let me explain.  I think that when people get married some type of safety switch turns on in their brains.  Marriage makes us feel all safe and snuggly.  This person has committed to us and they are "stuck" with us no matter what we do to them.  Marriage takes away the work of having to keep our partner happy and satisfied with us.  They have made the commitment to us so the gamble is done, the games are over, the makeup is off and the weight comes on.  They have to love us they don't get to love us.  Now our partner tends to come last and friends and jobs and TV come first.  Remember when you just had a boy/girl friend and you always ditched your friends for him/her and your friends would tease you about it?  Well then you get married and now you are suddenly available at any moment for your friends because this partner of yours will be home waiting for you no matter how late you are and they aren't possibly going to go out  with someone else because you have secured that they won't with the whole marriage thing.  (This paragraph could be said with some big air quotes.  Please realize I don't think this is the safe way to treat marriage but it seems that lots of married people fall into this "safety" trap.  I am one of them.)

At this point let me just clarify that living with someone is a vulnerable thing.  Your partner is going to see, hear and smell things that might be uncomfortable for the both of you.  Lots of "mysteries" must be let go and lots of realities must be accepted.  So I'm not saying that not wearing makeup all the time means your marriage is going to fail or that letting go those mysteries means you don't care about keeping your partner happy.  Lots of times things like that help you grow closer as a couple.  Being vulnerable and being your whole self with someone and then having that someone love you is such a wonderful thing that people risk a lot to attain a relationship like that.  My point is that we want so badly to have that kind of love but once we get it and secure it the challenge of the get feels gone so we stop all the seemed nonsense of the getting and melt into the safety net of marriage not really realizing that the safety net can be stripped away at any moment or it may not be there at all and we don't realize it.  Jeez did that make sense?

OK, so I will try to wrap this up because I realize that a lot of people don't like to read.

Through getting a divorce I have come to understand marriage better.  I have come to understand why it is a good thing and how to have a more successful marriage.  I have come to understand a lot of my own mistakes in my marriage and how over a long period of time a marriage can go bad without you even realizing it is going bad.  Marriage is like a can of green beans.  It actually has a pretty long shelf life so it gets pushed back to the back of the cupboard and we keep buying new fresh green beans because they seem so much better and those canned ones are going to last a while so we don't have to worry about them but then one day we are cleaning out the cupboard and realize they have expired and not only by a couple months but by a couple years.  Are you sick of the lame analogies yet?

Marriage is not a guarantee of happily ever after.
Marriage is not a guarantee of love.
Marriage is not a commitment that can't be broken.  And it is usually not a mutual break.
Marriage does not mean you get to stop trying to keep your partner happy.  You shouldn't suddenly stop going to the ballet or watching sports because you don't feel like you "have" to anymore because you are married.
Maybe marriage isn't a safety net at all!??  Duh!  That might be the problem!  We think there is a safety net but we are really walking the tight rope happily and over confidently without realizing at any moment we could fail and fall and there is no net and  no one to catch us.  No on is obligated to catch us.  The question should be will they want to catch us.  (You just witnessed an epiphany, be honored.)

In another direction I understand why people choose to stay together but never get married, i.e. Goldie and Kurt.  It almost seems like a greater commitment not to get married but stay together and I understand why that would work better for some people.  I think it keeps you and your relationship more vulnerable which might keep you working harder for it but I also understand how this can get really exhausting.  Everyone is different and what is going to work for some won't work for others so stop judging.


Hopefully this post will make sense to someone out in the world.  I had a lot of thoughts jumbled in my head and I feel like I just threw them up without organizing them.  I did attempt to though.  I wish writing was my talent and I could eloquently write these thoughts and inspire loads of people.  Sorry about that you few who read this.

I'm sure I could go on and on and I will post about this topic again.  For now here is a picture for your reward of reading this to the end.


My cousin got married over the weekend.  My brother came into town and he is the favorite uncle (also only) but the kids really love him.  For some reason Eva would not join the group and cried when I tried to make her.  It turned out we got this awesome picture out of it.  I love it.


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