Wednesday, May 29, 2013


Sometimes life is really hard,
Sometimes things don't go "your way",
Sometimes things are unbearable and giving up seems like the better option.
Most of the time things are good.
Most of the time there is love, caring and happiness.
Most of the time I am grateful.

Let go of the negativity even if for some reason it is easier to hold on to, easier to understand, easier to feel comfortable in.  Is it attention getting, does it get you what you want?  Maybe sometimes but most of the time it is alienating, maddening and tiresome.

You can be happy, you can feel good.  Positivity attracts positivity, love, happiness.

Let go of your heavy load and welcome in the sunshine.  Let go of the control you think you have or want.  Things will never be perfect.  The "I wills when this happens.." will never be.  What makes others happy will not make you happy so let that go and embrace yourself.  Here and now is your time to be happy so be it!

You can make those tough decisions.  You can change your life!

(Somethings I am saying to myself today and I thought they might help someone out there in the world.)


Thursday, May 23, 2013

Best and worst suncreens for a toxic free summer.

My friend Teresa sent me this article about the best and worst sunscreens.  It is very informative and since I know you want to put the best possible sunscreens on your family you should read it.  It also has some interesting facts about spray sunscreens.

Shopping guide to find the best and worst sunscreens.

Here is another great article you should check out too:

Nine toxins to avoid in personal care products

And if you want to see if any of the products you are currently using are toxic you must put this website in your bookmarks.

Skin Deep Cosmetics Database

You can search any product or any ingredient to find out if it is toxic, how toxic and exactly how your body reacts to it.

For example Retinyl Palmitate (vitamin A) causes cancer with very low doses and gets worse with sun exposure.  It is in a lot of things so start looking at your ingredients.

Don't get overwhelmed with this information.  It is very easy now to get toxic free products and pretty much every store has options for you.  Even Walmart.

Start out this summer with getting a toxic free sunscreen and bug repellent.  Do your voting and the checkout counter where your voice is the loudest.  Show companies what you support and what you will allow on/in your body because yes, everything you put on top of your body gets in your body.

Thank goodness for summer!

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

A happy picture.

I love this picture so much .  It makes me happy when I see it.  It is my grandmother and her mother in 1923.  There are lots of reasons why I love this picture.  My favorite thing is that my grandmother looks like Merrill Dee.  When I asked Eva and Scarlett who it was they both said Merrill.  I also love how happy my great grandmother CeCelia looks.  CeCelia adopted my grandmother because her birth mother died due to complications of child birth.  Adoption has a wonderful history in our family.  I am so grateful for it.  I also love CeCelia's hat.

Love to you.

Have a happy day.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Springtime running and how I am like Rocky.

The last two days I have gone running.  It's pretty amazing really.  I have even done some yoga.  I am really trying to be serious about the training.  It really sucks to run a marathon if you haven't trained well.  I should know.  I have decided I would actually like to see what my running potential is.  I am a really good half ass runner so maybe I am an amazing full ass runner.  We shall see.

Tonight I ran for an hour while pushing Merrill and Scarlett in a stroller.  I figure I have a training advantage if I have to push kids while I run.  Think Rocky in the snow pulling a wagon or whatever he was pulling.  I only like Rocky IV if Rocky IV is the one with the Russian.  I also don't have Eye of The Tiger playing but Scarlett singing Old McDonald.  It is pretty cute.

Running in the springtime is pretty great because it is so gorgeous.  I love the smells, the breeze, the stormy clouds and the baby ducks.

Thank goodness for springtime.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Oh hell...

My competitiveness has gotten me in trouble.
I am pretty competitive but the good kind where I am a good loser and can be happy for the winner but I really, really like winning too.
So I was at dinner with some friends we started talking about the St. George, Utah marathon and how the registration was almost closed and before you know it I challenged my friend to a race if we got into the marathon.  What!!!????  As if I wasn't busy enough!

We have had similar marathon times but seriously there are lots of reasons why I am the underdog and here and they are:
1.  My friend is a male.
2.  He has already been training for a marathon which he is running this weekend.
3.  I haven't ran in 2 years.
4.  Did I mention I haven't ran in 2 years yet?
5.  Did I mention he is running one this weekend?

So now I have to switch gears from super lazy person to super training athlete and watch everything I put into my body and actually start running.

I won't lie, St. George is a lottery marathon, so I was secretly hoping we wouldn't get in.

I have two options:
1.  To take this seriously and have a ton of fun and kick his a#*.  (It would be so awesome.)
2.  Do my typical pathetic training where I take off the next few months and by September (the race is in October) quickly start to run and then at least finish the marathon.

I am going for option 1.  Wish me luck.  Everybody loves the underdog right?

Training starts today.

Monday, May 13, 2013

The story of Merrill Dee my curious little package.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day.  It was a busy day for me but a nice day.  Last Mother’s Day I was pregnant with Merrill Dee and I kept thinking about last year and what happened and how grateful I am for the way things happened. 

There have been two times in my life where I really screwed my life over.  I don’t use the word “screwed” lightly here.  I know a lot of people think about trials in their lives as things that were placed in front of them and things they had no control over but had to figure a way to steer around them but these two instances in my life were not placed in my path by anyone seen or unseen.  These things happened because of choices I made and I was not guided or prompted to make them.  Actually for one of them I had figurative flashing neon signs telling me to turn back or stop but I just kept on going until I made such a mess of my life I didn’t know what to do.  At that time I would relate my life as if I was standing barefoot in a field of broken glass and no matter where I chose to go I would feel the consequence of my actions.  It pretty much sucked.

So, there have been two times in my life where I have prayed to God and begged him to take my life and fix the mess I made of it.  I was sincere.  I had no idea what to do or where to go so I gave my life to him to fix.  At these two times in my life I saw miracles happen and I received so much help I was amazed and awestruck.  My life was like a big huge knot of necklaces that are almost impossible to untangle but every day I watched my big, messy, knot of a life unravel before my eyes and when the knot was untangled God handed me a beautiful life again and I got to start all over and try to keep it that way.  I have learned so much from these experiences.  I have changed so much for the better I can’t even begin to describe it.  I want to tell you about one of them.

September of 2011 Clint and I officially separated and I moved out of our house with Eva and Scarlett.  It was one of the hardest things I have ever done.  This is when I prayed for help.  When I think about it now I remember how I felt and my heart hurts a little and I can’t dwell on it for too long.  It was very, very hard.  After moving out Clint and I would have good and bad days trying to steer through the muck of figuring out how to raise our kids together while living in separate houses.  I don’t recommend it, it is so hard.  On one of those good days in September I conceived Merrill Dee.  Yes the same month I moved out!!! What??!!! I had just finished nursing Scarlett.  She was 10 months old.  Now when I look back I laugh and laugh about it.  It is pretty funny.  In October I was going to lunch and I had a pregnancy test in my bag and in the bathroom of the restaurant I took a pregnancy test and it came out positive and I had to go back and sit through the lunch thinking, “No, no, no that can’t be right!”  I bought more tests and they all came back positive.  It was a difficult emotion and one I can’t describe.  I had tried to have kids for 8 years and I begged and pleaded and made tons of promises with God if he would just help me get pregnant so here I was pregnant and I felt so guilty that I was sad about it.  I imagined the little baby inside of me to be a sneaky little sneak rubbing its hands together and laughing at me mischievously.  It had snuck into my uterus at the worst possible time.

I didn’t tell anyone for a long time.  I didn’t know how to tell people and I didn’t think they would understand.  I also knew people would wonder if it was Clint’s baby and if it was the reason we were separated.  I wanted to be at peace with all of it before I told anyone.  So I prayed and prayed a lot.  It took about 16 weeks before I told my family and friends.  Don’t worry I let Clint carry the burden with me {wink}.

Even with a baby on the way Clint and I stayed separated and had hard times.  Babies just don’t magically fix relationships as some of you well know.  It didn’t look like this new baby was going to change anything for us.  But things changed and changed dramatically actually.  If you asked my in March if things were going well for me and Clint I would have said no buy by April of 2012 we had decided that we both wanted to live with our kids.  We had witnessed in Eva and Scarlett the negative effects our problems had on them at that reality was not OK with either of us so we decided to make a change and try harder.  In May we moved back into our home and became one family unit under one roof again.  The girls were very happy and the changes we have seen in them have been so worth it.  The break we took was worth it.  We have a healthier relationship, we work harder at it and we are more grateful for things we have.  We have also just had to let go of things and move on.  There is no room for holding onto grudges in any relationship.  I have learned if you actually want a relationship to work you cannot hold grudges and being stubborn and doing so you really end up a loser.  This counts for any relationship in your life.

A little over a month later Merrill Dee was born.  When I first met him I knew he was not the sneaker I thought he was but the sweetest little man ever born.  We told his Grandpa, Merrill Dee, that we were naming our new baby after him and he got teary eyed and thanked us.  In that hospital room watching him hold his namesake and get teary eyed over him has become such a sweet memory for us.  Merrill Dee Sr. loved having a namesake and was so proud of him.  He would tell everyone about him.  In September we had a baby blessing which I posted about here where Merrill Dee blessed Merrill Dee.  It was such a great day.  Then 3 weeks later Merrill Dee Sr. died from a fall from a ladder.  It was such a tragedy and one we are all still working through.

Now that I look back to see the big picture I see the sweet unraveling God did for me.  From September 2011 to October 2012 there were certain things that needed to happen.  I am so glad that I let God help me.  I am so glad for the way he chose to help me.  At the time I didn’t think it was help at all.  Sometimes help comes in very curious packages.  I have now learned not to question the packages especially when they are asked for.  It is best to accept them and possibly pray for help accepting them and wait until the meaning  reveals itself.  Life is one big silly circle really and it is best to hang on tight and try to enjoy the ride. 

My sweet Merrill Dee is my curious package.  

I am so grateful for him.  I am so grateful to be a mother.  It seemed like it took so long for me to get to be a mom and now I see I am a much better mom in my 30’s then I would have been in my 20’s.  I had things to learn and experience before I could have the honor of motherhood and I understand that now.  I have had to say a lot of apology prayers in my life already.  Jeez!

Here is last year's Mother's Day post.

Love to you!

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Drew Barrymore helps out all the poor girls.

I guess the title of this post could be Drew Barrymore helps out the poor/thrifty/cheap/don't want to spend my money on expensive makeup girls.
First off I love Drew Barrymore.  I like to imagine we would be good friends because honestly who wouldn't want to be friends with me and my impression of Drew is that we have a lot in common.  We are both a little hippish and quirky and fun etc.  In this month's Lucky magazine Drew talks about her new makeup line she has put out called FLOWER.  I tried it and so far I surprisingly really like it.  I don't know why I am so surprised because when my best friend puts out a makeup up line she of course used my advice and put out a great product.  It is higher quality product for a low price.

Just so you know I worked in cosmetics for about 6 years.  I started out in Clinique and then worked for Estee Lauder and Lancome and then some free lance.  I have used a lot of different kinds of makeup and there is a difference in makeup quality and usually you have to pay for that difference.  Some makeup products are worth paying for and some products are not.  That is a whole other post.  For now here is my review of some of the FLOWER products.

Zoom-In Ultimate Mascara:  I love this mascara and I thought that changing the brush up by twisting wouldn't make a difference and was a gimmick but I was wrong.  It makes a difference and it is fun!  It doesn't clump or flake but is super easy to wash off.  You also don't need to apply a lot to get enough on your lashes.  Love love it!  If you don't like it I will buy yours from you.

Glow Baby Glow blush/bronzer in Beachy Keen:  I picked Beachy Keen because I love anything with the word Beach in it but there are 4 color options.  It is great!  It is very silky and applies nicely.  It also stays on well.  It is just as good as anything you will buy in the department store.  BTW it does not come with a brush.

Shadow Play Eye Shadow Quad in Foxy Browns:  Love this eye shadow!  I was very impressed with how silky it is.  It applies like an expensive shadow.  Dare I compare it to Chanel??  Yes I will!  There are 4 different quads I love this quad and I want more.

Sheer Up Lip Tint:  I got the Lacy Laurel.  I love the subtle pink color it's not too bright.  It love that it doesn't have a taste or smell and it goes on smooth and has a slight shine.  It is quick and easy and you don't need a mirror to apply it.
Sheer Up
Picture credit to

Color Play Creme Shadow:  This is a nice creme shadow.  It has a great texture and is easy to apply.  I will love it for summer and it would work well as a shadow base too.  Creme shadows just don't wear very well and you can't wear eyeliner with them because they suck it up so just an FYI about creme shadows they all wear like that.  But it still looked nice and wore well throughout the day without creasing I just wish I didn't wear eyeliner with it.
Color Play
Picture credit to

From the products I tried this is a great line of makeup at a great low price and is as good as anything you will buy at a department store.  The only downfall is that you have to go into Walmart to get it because it is sold exclusively there.  As I try more of it I will let you know what I like.

Let me know what you think.


Thursday, May 2, 2013


I got my hair done and I love it.  It has been a while since I had a professional do my hair so I am feeling extra pampered and lucky.  I love my hair stylist so if anyone is in Salt Lake and needs a good one let me know.  I went in and basically told her I wanted something low maintenance and something that would last until October.  She gave me the perfect sunkissed, beach hair of my dreams.  Did you know I love beach hair?  I love it!  I am a sucker for all salt sprays and anything that claims to be "beachy" or smell like the beach.  I wish my hair was mermaid wavy but I have stick straight hair, fine hair with no body so the salt sprays add the thickness that I love.

Here are my self portraits:

This streak is the only natural one.  It is an albino spot on my head.  

As you can see I got a fun new photo editor app on my phone.  BTW it is supposed to look messy and "beachy"  I love the effortless look because it actually takes very little effort.  And being a mom of 3 I am very good at putting very little effort into how my hair looks.  The plus side of having a professional do your hair is that it looks good when you put very little effort into it.  The right cut + the right color = beach magic....well for me anyways.

Awapuhi Wild Ginger by Paul Mitchell Texturizing Sea Spraysurf spray
Here are my two favorite beach sprays and believe me I have tried a lot of beach sprays.  And I love the Paul Mitchell Awapuhi line.  It smells great and is sulfate free and I am also a sucker for anything islandy especially anything that is Tahitian.
I am so glad summer is just around the corner.  This summer is going to be epic for me but more on that later.

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