Tuesday, October 15, 2013

I quit my paying job to work much harder without pay.

Today marks one year since my father-in-laws death.  I can't believe it has been a year and yet there is a a bit of relief with it.  A lot of things have changed in my life since his death and most of those changes are because of it.

I quit my job at the beginning of September.  I am not a working mom anymore.  I worked for my father-in-laws company.  This last year at work has been really hard without him.  I won't/can't go into details about exactly why I left the company but I will say that I felt that it wasn't really my own decision to leave.  I didn't want to leave.  I loved my job and had lots of goals and plans for the company and the direction of the position I was in.  But alas, that enthusiasm and love was not shared by others.  I fought for a year to stay there.  I fought for a year to get others to see my vision.  It was a hard year in that part of my life.  I finally decided to give it up.  I still have a lot of mixed feelings about it which I am trying to work through.  Some days I am at peace and I say happily,"The Universe has other plans for me and I am excited to find out what is next!" and then there are other days where I am full of anger and spite and I want to shake certain people and yell at them.  I know God works in mysterious ways.  I have to believe that this has a purpose and that in a few years I will look back and be so grateful that it all happened this way.  Right now it is so hard to just give up my anger.  I want to for the most part but sometimes the justice loving feminist side of me just wants to keep fighting just out of vengeance  which I know is not the healthy, happy option.  There is more to say but I will say it another time.

So this last month has been a hard adjustment for me which is a whole other post but for now this is my update.

I am home full time with my 3 kids and so far it is the hardest job I have ever had.

I have had my computer off since I quit.  I have missed blogging and reading the blogs I follow but struggled to find the time.  I have finally caught up on my reading so I figured it was time to post again. I am so happy to do it.  I felt a little lost.  Like I had given up too much but just because I quit my job doesn't mean I quit my life.  I am desperately struggling to find balance in this knew life I have and I think getting back to things I enjoy is a very important step.

Hopefully there are still people out there who read this thing.

Love to you.
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