Tuesday, October 15, 2013

I quit my paying job to work much harder without pay.

Today marks one year since my father-in-laws death.  I can't believe it has been a year and yet there is a a bit of relief with it.  A lot of things have changed in my life since his death and most of those changes are because of it.

I quit my job at the beginning of September.  I am not a working mom anymore.  I worked for my father-in-laws company.  This last year at work has been really hard without him.  I won't/can't go into details about exactly why I left the company but I will say that I felt that it wasn't really my own decision to leave.  I didn't want to leave.  I loved my job and had lots of goals and plans for the company and the direction of the position I was in.  But alas, that enthusiasm and love was not shared by others.  I fought for a year to stay there.  I fought for a year to get others to see my vision.  It was a hard year in that part of my life.  I finally decided to give it up.  I still have a lot of mixed feelings about it which I am trying to work through.  Some days I am at peace and I say happily,"The Universe has other plans for me and I am excited to find out what is next!" and then there are other days where I am full of anger and spite and I want to shake certain people and yell at them.  I know God works in mysterious ways.  I have to believe that this has a purpose and that in a few years I will look back and be so grateful that it all happened this way.  Right now it is so hard to just give up my anger.  I want to for the most part but sometimes the justice loving feminist side of me just wants to keep fighting just out of vengeance  which I know is not the healthy, happy option.  There is more to say but I will say it another time.

So this last month has been a hard adjustment for me which is a whole other post but for now this is my update.

I am home full time with my 3 kids and so far it is the hardest job I have ever had.

I have had my computer off since I quit.  I have missed blogging and reading the blogs I follow but struggled to find the time.  I have finally caught up on my reading so I figured it was time to post again. I am so happy to do it.  I felt a little lost.  Like I had given up too much but just because I quit my job doesn't mean I quit my life.  I am desperately struggling to find balance in this knew life I have and I think getting back to things I enjoy is a very important step.

Hopefully there are still people out there who read this thing.

Love to you.


B and Jessica said...

Yes, being home with three kids is so hard. So hard. Anyone who tells you it's easy is either old and remembering things all wrong, or just plain lying to make themselves seem amazing. But I'm happy for you...your kids are lucky to have you all day. No one can love them as good as you can. Things that are working for me lately is leaving the screen door shut while they play out back and I clean or just get on the iPad. Library trips with a stroller where we get an obscene amount of books and take them home with us. Little Caesars hot and ready's, seriously the cheapest meal and my kids eat it. I usually buy two so I can put one in the fridge for an easy lunch. Park play dates with friends. Early bedtime...like 7:30 pm. Anyway, wish we lived closer so we could get together and let the kids run amuck. Good luck!

sinika said...

I had a hard time quitting work when I was pregnant with my second, since I had worked since I was 14. But when I finally did, I finally realized how thinly stretched I felt. It is nice to focus on one thing and try to do your best. Most days are good as a stay at home mom... some days are loooong. Be sure to take time for yourself- schedule it in!

Alicia said...

Hey you. I am a terrible reader/blogger these days but I think the universe told me to check this today. Dude. I get it. And what gets me through it all are girlfriends. So let's hang out you. Miss you.

sware said...

You've go a reader out here in mn:) motherhood takes bravery!! Those kids are so lucky to have you.

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