Saturday, September 26, 2015


I yell too much at my kids. It's something that racks me with guilt. As soon as I'm done I feel guilty. Sometimes while I am yelling I think "Jeez, why are you yelling!". I'm just so sick of it being a part of my life. I am making a commitment right now to stop. Maybe I can do it cold turkey and maybe not but I promise to improve and get it out of my life. My game plan is to put myself in time out. I think it's this weird "my kids can't win" thing but they are kids. I can't argue with them. They are just kids. I definitely can't yell at them. It is a problem and it needs to stop. I love them so much. I just love them so much. Motherhood is really really hard.

Friday, September 25, 2015

September 24, 2015

OK I'm doing this on my iPad I'm talking it out and my iPad is typing this is going to be interesting.

Today was just my typical runaround day. I did yoga in the morning which is really nice I'm trying to do yoga every day I'm thinking about trying to do yoga every day for year and chronicling my experience. Yoga really helps me to be a better mom I have a way more patience my brain just feels better and my body feels better. It helps my mind, body and Spirit.  I would love to be a yoga teacher and that's on my list I just I've got to get some other things out-of-the-way.

One of those things is I'm doing my uterine massage class in February in Belize!  I am super excited about it my original teacher Rosita is going to be teaching it and it's going to be great. Now I have to find the time to really study and to get my 10 case studies which really shouldn't be a problem but I'm trying to decide if I actually charge people because they're getting a professional massage so money is always hard because as soon as you give something away for free people don't value what they got so I'm thinking that through.

I'm in a do a paragraph about each one of my kids what's going on with them right now.

Eva: Ewa is back in tumbling she is really doing well and she loves it. She loves first grade she loves her teacher she has lots of friends. She is reading well. I go in and volunteer once a week in her class and that's really fun to see her in that environment. It's also fun to see where she is at with the other kids and she's like in the top eight of her class on reading so that's good. She is confident and fun she's really responsible she is a really good older sister I can trust her she's honest and and likes to do the right thing. She is a really good friend and it's really concerning to her when other people are not good friends. She is very aware of other people and and it is kind of devastating to her when friends aren't treating her well. She has a few friends who will be really good friends to her and then as soon as they're in a group of people they kind of turn on her and that's hard to watch and try to walk her through that and it's just hard to watch your kids get out in the world and have to learn what it's really like I can't protect her from it and it's hard.  Eva, A couple months ago went on a trip with my dad and Carolyn they went to Oregon.  She really wanted to see a peregrine falcon and my dad took her to see one and she was gone a week she did great she didn't miss us and had a blast doing all this Oregon stuff. So then last week she went with them again to Northern California and they saw Sequoia and redwoods and other fun things and she loved it. She is old enough to ride the airplane alone as an unaccompanied minor so she did that and she isn't afraid and she's really independent and confident and it makes me really proud of her. She's also grown really close to my dad and Carolyn much I really appreciate.

Scarlett: Scarlett is in dance. This will be 2 1/2 years in dance. She is very good and seems to like it although sometimes it's hard to get her to go but then when she gets home she's happy she went. Right now our friend Allie is her teacher and it's really nice because Allie picks her up and drop her off home and it's wonderfully helpful. Scarlett is a stubborn a ball of sass yet she is sweet and fun and silly. She is learning to be a good friend she likes to be the boss and sometimes she says mean things but it's usually because she's got her feelings hurt and she's lashing out or something. She loves make up and everything girly.  She loves watching make up tutorials on YouTube. Right now she is in a rock star phase where she likes to dress as a rock star and be sassy. Scarlet also loves wearing swimsuits sometime she just wants to wear it all day. She especially loves two piece suits. I promised the girls half birthday parties this year because both their birthdays are in the winter and they both wanted summer parties. Well I just did aScarlett's the other day and it was a mermaid party. We invited three girls from the neighborhood and three girls from her preschool and did nails and makeup a mermaid piƱata. It was fun and she loved it. Natalie came and helped me and she was a lifesaver I am so grateful that she helped me. Scarlett was in Montessori preschool last year and they upped their prices so we decided to put her in just a preschool of someone who does it out of their home and she was recommended by some friends and she finally likes it it's a good school she's doing well. Her teachers name is Miss Jean.

Merrill: Merrill, is all boy. He does not have any interest in girl things whatsoever. He will play with the girls but he usually plays on his own with his trucks. He currently loves monster trucks and the Disney cars. He definitely needs a brother and Clint talks about trying to have another boy but I don't actually think that will happen. He loves Clint the most. He loves going outside I'm getting dirty. He is potty trained he was very easy to potty train very glad. He still has a Binky and loves it very very much. We are currently trying to rid him of that habit. We just signed Merrill up for soccer he has been asking to do that for a while. He had his first practice the other day and did very well. And he is very excited for his first game on Saturday. Me and some of the girls in the neighborhood are doing enjoy school for Merrill and his friends. He loves it he was asking to go to school because the girls were going and it actually is really fun I teach twice a month and it's just fun to see how they interact and fun to watch them learn. Merrill does not pronounce his 's' when he talks it is our favorite thing. Like Scarlett he says "carlett", spank is "pank", stool is "tool", store is "tore", scared "cared".

Mayla: Mayla, is almost one. She is almost walking. She has her two top and two bottom teeth. She is a super sweet baby. She loves nursing and I don't know when I'm going to wean her because Merrill and scarlett pretty much weaned themselves and it was so easy and I don't know how I'm going to do it with Mayla.  When Clint walks in the door Mayla squeals with delight and get super excited. But I am her favorite which makes me happy because all the others have really loved Clint. I think it's because she's my first baby that I haven't left at six weeks to work. She is a really good sleeper. She is not quite sleeping through the night yet but it's pretty good. She knows what kisses are and give wonderful open mouth tongue kisses. She loves playing with her brother and sisters. She loves animals and get super excited kicks her legs and squeals when she sees animals. We have a cat named Zeb and Zeb lets her grab and pull her and grab her face and whatever and Zeb has kind of a ruined her for other animals because other animals don't like Mayla grabbing at them.

OK I'm going to end now because talking into this iPad and then correcting all of it stupid mistakes is bugging me. Please excuse all the grammical errors and all the punctuation errors and all the everything Errors it's really irritating.

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

This is my only journal/outlet.

I haven't journaled consistently since I got married.  I have kept a journal since I was 8 almost on a daily basis but for some reason I got married and stopped.  It is one of my biggest regrets.  Then I started to blog and it was a way of journaling but I stopped blogging and I regret that since I started reading some of my old blog posts.  I haven't read a blog or blogged myself in about a year and a half.  I need to start up because I think it is the only way I will journal my life.  I want to remember these times.  I want to remember my kids and what they were like and what it was like.  When I read old entries it takes me back to the day and I can picture everything.  I know I am going to want to do that when I am all alone and miss my family.

My mistakes with blogging before was that a lot of the time I was worried about what other people might want to read and hear from me.  Let's be honest, no one is really reading this.  I will never have millions of followers.  I don't have some platform to influence lots of people.  If anyone reads this they know me and have some interest in my life and I appreciate that.  Hopefully one day someone will learn from my experiences and from me keeping track of the goings on in my life.  If anything my kids will have something to know me better by and possibly understand themselves better as well.

So I resolve to use this blog as my journal.  To get on the computer daily even if it is for 5 minutes to keep a record of what is going on in my life and the life of my family.

Today we are in Spring City at my mom's to process our grapes.  We picked 126 lbs of concord grapes on Sunday.  It is purple gold.  Me and my family love it so much.  I love making my kombucha with it.  We arrived late last night and have been processing them all morning.  I am currently waiting for the next batch.

My kids love coming here.  Merrill is outside doing farm chores with Welby.  Mayla is finally napping.  She has been hard lately.  She wants me to hold her and usually only wants me.  She is very attached to me and I think it's because she is my first baby I haven't left at 6 weeks to work.  She really loves Clint a lot though.  She squeals with delight when he walks in the room and loves to climb all over him.  Mayla will not take a bottle unless I am not around.  She loves nursing.

Eva got back on Saturday from going with my Dad and Carolyn to the sequoias and red woods.  She loved it and loves spending time with them.  Scarlett is looking forward to being old enough to go with them.

Today is our old anniversary.  It would be 16 years!!! Do we still celebrate?  It's funny to me.  My mom told me happy anniversary.  I wonder what she thinks about it but don't really care to have the conversation.

We are running the St.  George Marathon in a couple weeks.  I am not ready at all.  I am too addicted to sugar.
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